The week from...

I am sitting here at almost midnight, wide awake because last night, I slept for 11 hours straight! Then woke up and slept for 3 more hours. It turns out the "not so hot" feeling I had when I last wrote was the beginning of a sinus infection. I initially thought it was the flu and tried to self-medicate and for a week threw down copious amounts of Theraflu and Nyquil to no avail. Finally, yesterday, when my throat began to swell and I felt like I was swallowing pins, I acquiesed and went to the doctor where I was promptly diagnosed with the sinus infection and sent home with $100 worth of meds and a doctor's note for a day off.

This has also been the week when the earth shook for 35 seconds in Haiti and took with it thousands of beautiful Haitian souls. When I began to hear the reports and started looking at pictures, a part of my spirit broke and I wept for a nation already in crisis now faced with hell on earth. I know everyone is asking for donations and so many people have already given, but if you haven't, please do.

This has also been the week when a week ago, I closed on my first home, signed the gazillion papers I needed to sign, found out I would have to pay an exorbitant amount to break my lease and then was told that my paperwork didn't go through with the house due to a "glitch" in the system and new guidelines. So now a week later, still without my keys and the hopes it's all resolved tomorrow, I sit patiently waiting.

Every cloud has a silver lining...if you look for it.
The sinus infection caused me to lose my appetite for darn near everything so I lost 2lbs. Ha ha. I know it's a stretch but silver lining people, silver lining.

It is incredibly difficult to find a silver lining in the Haitian crisis, except the hope that is coming from the situation, the rush to aid I've seen demonstrated in individuals around the world, and hopefully the attention that country has needed for YEARS is finally coming to it. Personally, whenever I have wanted to feel sorry for myself this past week I keep thinking "What if I was in Haiti?" One day even, as I took a hot shower, I was filled with gratitude for how good a hot shower feels and how much of a luxury that is.

The house situation will resolve itself and I'll soon be in my first home, cooking healthy meals and exercising and finally finding some balance in my life so all I have to do is wait.

Patience, gratitude, perseverance...

Peace,
Lara.

First workout of the new year

Hi there, good people!
Today was my first workout not only this year but in months! Last night, I was feeling sort of "off." I was achy, my head hurt, and I was incredibly fatigued. I felt like I had the flu but without the other crap that comes with it. This morning, I woke up with the headache still and feeling only slightly better but still decided to drag myself out to my kickboxing class.

Admittedly, I wasn't exactly eager for movement. It is incredibly cold in Dallas, colder than it's been since I moved here in 2003 and I really just wanted to keep laying down and watching Food Network, but I knew that if I was to start on a new path, I would need a push and group exercise does that for me.

I arrived 10 minutes late and as was to be expected, the class was packed with new faces wanting a new start as well. The first 15 minutes felt like I had never left, but after that, I grew nauseous, my body felt weak and I just couldn't get those kicks up like I wanted to.

It was towards the end of the class as we were laying on the mats doing crunches that I had an epiphany: I would take a zen approach to my health and fitness this year. No more all or nothing diet plans. No more pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion with my exercise just so I could feel like I had done something good. I would ease myself into better health. I would run slower if I needed to, kick lower if I must, and forget picking up yet ANOTHER weight loss book. I will cook my meals and enjoy the process and use my common sense. In other words, I will listen to my body and obey what it is telling me. If it says "go faster" or "slow down," I will. For this to become a lifestyle, it can no longer be something I start and stop because it's gotten too hard to maintain.

The thing with being "Zen" is that it requires focus and discipline, two skills that I find myself often without, but I will rest assured knowing that I'm doing something, rather than nothing at all.

Happy Trails!

Zen Lara

2010 - New Year, New Me?

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. --Anonymous

Happy New Year, everyone! Here is to hoping that 2010 brings us happiness, peace, and great health.
I found the above quote when I was looking up New Year's Resolutions today. It made me chuckle but I have thought of it all day and it also sort of scares me that it might be true.
As I reflect on 2009 and the fact that I have not written in this blog since Nov. 8th, I find myself conflicted with many varying emotions. On the one hand, I am proud of the things I accomplished in '09: I started the process of buying my first home(I close on it next week), I lost *some* weight and accomplished my goal of running 30 minutes straight, I got promoted at my job, and I started a serious relationship. I also traveled more than I had in years and started writing this blog; which was something I had always wanted to do.

But then as this new year has begun, I also see what I probably shouldn't refer to as my failings, but rather, my "incompletes." I realize now that I have a chronic case of starting things and never finishing. The moment I begin to make progress, I find ways to self-sabotage. It is why I still have not conquered my clutter habit because I start cleaning one area, move the crap from that area to another and then start manufacturing more piles of crap. It is also why I lost 20 lbs last year, but now have gained almost 10 lbs of it back(I was 234 lbs when I weighed earlier this week), it is why I not only stopped running, but stopped going to zumba and quelle horreur!, stopped going to my beloved kickboxing class. I suppose I would be more depressed, disappointed, etc, about it if I wasn't so busy, preoccupied, and frankly TIRED.

But it is for these same reasons that the desire to get back on track keeps haunting me. Inevitably, whether one chooses to make resolutions or not, we all tend to want to do better whenever a new year begins. I want 2010 to be the year I conquer my demons, but I have wanted that every new year. The only difference is that I actually did get a headstart last year. I know now that it can be done but I have to do it! I know how to lose weight, I have the tools to organize my life, and know where to find the support I need, so there are no excuses.

I have been on a spiritually enlightening path over the past couple of months. I believe the home-buying process evoked in me a need for faith and perseverance because there have been quite a few hurdles and some disappointments, but for the first time in a very long time, with each disappointment, with each hurdle, I would take a deep breath, pause and keep up the work I knew I needed to get it done. I have decided to use that as a map for my year because it quite simply works!

There are a lot of ideas I'm toying with as far as getting a plan in order to help me accomplish my goals, but first I have to define those goals. I have decided to type them up in nice font and frame them like poetry and place the frame in a place where I can see it daily. I have also agreed to create a vision board with a coworker(more on this later) of all I want to see manifested this year.

I know now that I need some sort of support. Attempting to do this alone is incredibly hard. When our Weight Watchers class ended before thanksgiving, I thought I could lose weight on my ow; instead I gained 6lbs! I couldn't seem to stop eating and didn't have any one but myself to be accountable too and that just didn't work. I am both the good angel and bad angel on my shoulder and the bad angel is usually more persuasive.

I don't know what 2010 will bring. None of us could have predicted some of the things 2009 brought, but with a lot of hardwork and effort and Divine Intervention, I know I can end 2010 on a better note than I am starting it.

Stay Tuned and Bon Année everyone!

P.S What are YOUR resolutions?

XoXo,
Lara.